Don LaFontaine

Don LaFontaine, Scary Voice Guy

What's WRONG? At CLUB DEAD, the bell tolls for Don LaFontaine, arguably the most prominent voice-over actor of our time. In a world where dramatic inflection and a commanding tone of voice are the tools to succeed, his work set the gold standard for the rest of us wannabees.

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No apologies here. This is simply a case of hero worship. The voice of over five thousand movie trailers, Don LaFontaine's name still will mean little to anyone outside of the world of voice actors. The prominent pop culture image is probably the recent Geico "we hired an actor" TV commercials, in which Don LaFontaine spoofed himself as "That announcer guy from the movies." He repeated the story of the woman whose cars flooded, in the phrasing and inflection of his movie trailers.

In cyber-speak, the term is SVG: Scary Voice Guy. In the radio industry, we call them Voice Gods. They are those men and women who appear for a few seconds between the songs, and speak in tones of satin sheets, or rumbling thunder. They implore us to listen to FUNKY-109.6 because they play the best music or the most music or most of the best music or the greatest memories, or the best variety of songs while you work or play or listen all day...you know the drill.

On television, they'll make sure you're aware of an all new episode of LOST or the season premiere of House; or the old familiar "Very Special Episode" of your favorite show. It's their job to alert you that someone will die tonight on Desperate Housewives, or that tomorrow night, the E.R. doctors face a crisis like none before.

Every trade has its heroes. Ballplayers have a few beers and talk of being the next A-Rod or Brett Favre. Radio people sit around and try through slurrred lips to say "This..is CNN" like James Earl Jones.

There are thousands of people who did what Don LaFontaine did for a living, but few as successful. Most toil in anonymity. Sometimes, though, the voice becomes so well known, so omnipresent, that it achieves its own status in the culture, even as their names remain unknown. John Facenda, the longtime voice of NFL films, ("...the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, warrors clad in loins of green and gold") broke through that wall. So did Ernie Anderson, ("The Luhhh-vvve Boat") and Peter Thomas, who delighted in telling of the various waitresses or cabdrivers who would hear his voice, and exclaim 'oh my, you're Exxon!' or 'Hey, it's Mr. American Express.'

They all had their hook.

So did Don LaFontaine. His catch phrase, "In a world where..." came from his work voicing movie trailers: "In a world where men and women were slaves...," or "In a world where the rules have been abandoned," ... or whatever circumstance was relevant to that movie. It was a subject of frequent parody in the industry, so if imitation really IS the sincerest form of flattery, he was flattered like no other.

A few years ago, a friend of his put together a trailer parody of the voice gods on their way to an awards show. Click the video to see "Five Guys In A Limo." You'll recognize the voices, if not the faces.

As I said at the beginning of this piece, this is hero worship. I admit to more than a little good-natured departmental envy when Don LaFontaine's voice recently popped up here on the Hill in some bits he recorded for our corporate partner station, HOT 96. I think I heard them all, at least I damn sure tried. Genius like that, right here in my own back yard, is not something to be ignored.

Then again, screw him, he's dead. Let's go look for crocodiles.

StevenK